First off, I would never call a friend a “knucklehead” (at least not publicly). The title of this piece was given to me by one of the knuckleheads in question and approved by the other. Also, both stories take place at Bethpage State Park – a huge New York golf and catering facility.

Knucklehead #1 – Joe: Joe was having a hard time on the 10th hole of the Blue Course. He had already hit 3 shots and was still 10 yards from the green. Hot under the collar, he walked to his ball and looked for the wedge he needed, but it wasn’t in his bag. ^%$#@ – he had left it near the 9th green.

Because he wasn’t using a motorized cart, he jumped into his friend Bobby’s and sped back to the 9th green. He parked the cart, ran to where he had left his wedge, yelled what he was doing to the strangers who were putting (noted they weren’t happy with the interruption), jumped back into Bobby’s cart and sped back to the 10th green.

Joe made just one itty-bitty-teeny-weeny mistake. When he jumped back into Bobby’s cart at the 9th green, it wasn’t Bobby’s.  In his haste, he had inadvertently jumped into one of the strangers’ carts. Bobby blew a gasket when he saw this. Why would Bobby get that upset about a cart, you ask?  Turns out, Bobby was going to Atlantic City after the round and had $5,000 in cash in his cart.

^%$#@ ^%$#@

Joe jumped back into the stranger’s cart, sped back to the 9th green, dealt with the now even angrier strangers who not only had been interrupted twice but had their cart hijacked, retrieved Bobby’s cart, and raced back to the 10th green.

The money was still there, but all parties involved think this story does, in fact, qualify Joe as a knucklehead.

Knucklehead #2 – Mike: All Mike wanted to do was take a shower. To do so at Bethpage, one must first go to the front desk to get both a locker room pass-card and a locker key.

Like Joe, Mike made just one itty-bitty-teeny-weeny mistake. After he used the pass-card to enter the locker room, he assumed the number on the pass-card, in this case #23, was the same as his assigned locker. He got buck naked, put all his clothes and valuables in locker #23, closed the latch, took his shower, then returned to locker #23 and tried to open it.

And then he tried again. And again. But the key he was using on locker #23 was for locker #48.

After some thought, and I’m sure getting a bit cold, Mike resigned himself to the fact that he had only one option. Wrapped in a towel, he pranced (when one is wearing only a towel, one prances) through the entire facility back to the front desk.

First, he encountered a Bethpage employee who admonished him: “Sir, you’re not allowed to walk around in a towel, we have a wedding going on.”  Gee, thanks.

But even worse, when he was in the middle of dealing with the front desk, his “friend” not only heckled him, he took this video.  With friends like these….

Eventually, Mike got his clothes back, so the story ends without becoming XXX.

I know both of these guys. I promise you, neither is a knucklehead.  But if this were a contest, who would win?