Subscribers to this site who are golfers know what happened, but for non-golfers: on January 9th, PGA player Justin (JT) Thomas, a popular player with a reputation of sportsmanship and class, called himself a Fa**ot after he missed a putt. A microphone picked up the anti-gay slur, so it was heard on air. A week later, Ralph Lauren discontinued its sponsorship of him.
You can make your own assessment of his apology but for me, it seems heartfelt and genuine. And I applaud JT for apologizing right after the incident, in person, on the air. A lesser person might have waited, conferred with a professional PR person, and crafted a perfectly worded, albeit empty, apology. JT stepped up.
But…this word is just so fraught with hate and pain. We all have different experiences that affect the way we hear things. When I was in my early twenties, I spent a half hour huddled in a gay bar’s bathroom, with 10 other women, pushing as hard as we could on the door to keep it shut from the pack of angry men who had broken into the bar. Through the door, we heard the pack screaming anti-gay slurs, breaking glass, and banging loudly as they damaged the place. We didn’t leave that bathroom until the police came – it was the scariest half hour of my life. So, I hear the word fa**ot with all the threats it directly, and indirectly, contains.
But… did JT mean to say something so harrowing and threatening just because he missed a putt? I don’t think so. He was just mad at himself and, in anger, wanted to insult himself.
And there’s the crux of the matter. Yes, there are different levels of hate and insult in this word, but the word itself is nothing but hateful and insulting.
So, I have a request: If you currently use this term to insult yourself, would you consider coming up with something else? Say you stink, say you’re a horrible putter, or just a crappy golfer. But whatever it is, I’d appreciate it if you could find a way to insult yourself without insulting me. I didn’t miss the putt.
How often do we say something at the heat of the moment and regret it – granted I’m no public figure that others look up to 😉 My personal feeling about JT’s immediate apology, the fact that he wasn’t throwing “vitriol” at others and it’s not a pattern in his behavior. Yes, Patty I agree, he should choose another “term” to berate himself in the future. It’s a moment of learning. The guy gets another chance in my book.
Great article Pattie, if rather painful. I remember a few Olympics ago, one of our top swimmers, Stephanie Rice, when slinging off at South Africans who had knocked her, said “suck it up fa**ots” and when she realised the offence it had caused, she was absolutely devastated. I was sorry to hear of your own experiences and hopefully it would not happen today.
I think Australia is very gay and lesbian friendly and has been for 50 years but even now there are occasional incidents. Frankly I don’t think someone would come out with that word in a sudden impulse unless that was how they felt – in other words by criticising himself as acting like a gay then he must have a prejudice against gays.
Best wishes
For some reason, I have never so much has muttered my name after a bad shot. I’ll say something like “really?“ and occasional curse word muttered under my breath, but never a word anything that would ever be considered offensive, to anyone.
I did throw a Club once and it got stuck in a tree. The embarrassment of asking for a ladder was enough to never do that again. I’ve seen that F word cause a lot of trouble and anguish in the past and would never dream of saying it, but that’s just from an old white guy.
Joking with a close gay friend or cousin, I may use the word “Homo,” and with a black friend I’ve known since childhood, negro always draws a smile.
Nice work partner!
So true Patty, my husband and I haven’t even heard that word since the 1980s. I agree with your entire article!!! He CV probably was holding back from cursing on the tv and rather said something much worse..